The 11th January 2017 will be seen as the day when even the most hopeful person looking at Donald Trump’s imminent ascension as American president might not be utterly terrifying were proved wrong. The day kicked off with allegations of Trump hiring prostitutes who he paid to piss on him and went to a press conference which was like watching all your hopes and dreams for your family, friends, cats, dogs, elephants and indeed, all human life on Earth, go flying out the window.
I mean, I know David Cameron is supposed to have fucked a severed head of a pig, but that was jaded ennui compared to this as we’ve not got Penthouse offering $1 million for any Trump sex tape that involves golden showers. The allegations although hilarious and terrible, are based around Russia blackmailing Trump which has been denied, and although there’s some journalistic ethics about releasing a story with no fact-checking, there does seem to be some in the media who are rubbishing the idea of Russia using sex to blackmail anyone.
A Google search throws this example up from 2015;
Russian spies ‘using sex and vodka’ to blackmail Norwegians into handing over information, intelligence agency claims
There’s also mentions of blackmail (or ”Honey Traps”) in this article here, and we know the KGB (and Putin is ex-KGB) have been trying to blackmail American Presidents going back to the time of Kennedy at least. So there’s a very strong possibility that the reason we’ve got an American president (to be) jumping at the tune of an authoritarian thug like Putin is that the Russians have blackmail material on him as make no doubt of it; a tape of Trump have two prostitutes pissing on his head making him look like a soggy Shredded Wheat, would end him and everyone around him.
With just over a week to go we’ve got the imminent prospect of an American president jumping to the Russian tune, and judging from his press conference, his presidency is a clusterfuck before its even started. After all, if you need your lawyer to speak for you to convince people you’re not dodgy while standing to a table full of documents then you’re either the most persecuted figure in world political history (he isn’t) or there are actually members of the press getting close to finding out what’s rattling around in Trump’s closet.
Effectively we’re a week from the world being dropped into something that if it were a strip in 2000AD, it’d be laughed at as a brilliant bit of satire. Except it’s real, and the Judge Dredd strip in 2000AD did an insane president that doomed us all to a dystopia 40 years ago.
So basically we’re fucked. We’re entering the age of a comic book villain made flesh and all we can do is take the piss in the vain hope it’ll make us feel better. On that cheery note, here’s a rather wonderful Pussy Riot video to make you feel even worse…