The horror of the Christmas jumper

Once upon a time the Christmas jumper was something we’d not be that bothered about. Your gran, or aunt would give you a jumper for Criggy, you’d wear it once, maybe twice, and then it’d vanish into a drawer to be pulled out only when it was freezing. Over the course of the 21st century the Christmas jumper has become the ironic Christmas party item for mainly, arseholes.


See, there’s no way you could wear something like that without marking yourself out as a dick. The sort of person who enters a pub and orders a Guinness last while clicking their fingers as barstaff that work harder than they’ve ever done in their lives.

Today is Christmas Jumper Day which at least tries to raise money for Save the Children, but the streets are full of ironic jumpers worn by people with haircuts that wouldn’t look out of place in a Final Fantasy game. So please, give the Christmas jumper a dignified funeral, or if you do get one for Christmas, treat it as a gift from someone who gives a fuck about you as opposed to something sneery you can stick on your Instagram for snarky likes.

Merry bloody Christmas.