At this time of strife, we can all agree Piers Morgan is a cock

Donald Trump in the White House. A hard Brexit coming. The rise of the far right across Europe. We are truly in hard days as we wade our way through a variety of bastards and pricks, but step forth Piers Morgan, the biggest prick of them all to proclaim himself as the man who will stand up for racist, bigots and the sort of people that would paint swastikas on doors for a laugh.

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To be fair it isn’t a revelation that Piers Morgan is a cock. Those of us who have had to see the wee shite on British media for years realised it the moment he opened his mouth or hacked his first phone. However this new phase of arseholery is about him being at the centre of attention as Donald Trump’s familiar.This is the man who tells people to ‘get over it’ and then spends days whining about Ewan McGregor refusing to appear on TV with him, or indeed, anyone who’s managed to get through his paper-thin skin just as comedian Jim Jeffries did.

So as we enter the dark times remember that what unites us all is that Piers Morgan is someone who is the biggest cock you’ll ever see in your life. That will keep us all warm as the lights go out across the world…

What do David Cameron, Louise Mensch, Piers Morgan and Jeremy Clarkson not care about?

David Cameron is ‘sorry’ he gave convicted criminal Andy Coulson a ‘second chance’, except that assumes he got punished for what he was accused of, which he only has been now been found guilty of.

The Prime Minister, who brought Coulson into the heart of Downing Street, said: “I take full responsibility for employing Andy Coulson.

“I did so on the basis of undertakings I was given by him about phone hacking and those turned out not to be the case.

“I always said that if they turned out to be wrong, I would make a full and frank apology and I did that today. I am extremely sorry that I employed him. It was the wrong decision and I am very clear about that.”

 

So think about that. Someone who has a pretty massive skeleton rattling around is employed by a party leader who them becomes Prime Minister and is continued to be employed by them even though these claims have not been brought to court, and the evidence has never been heard in court. Think about all the information Coulson had access to in his time under Cameron and how compromising that could be?

As bad as that is and as many questions Cameron now needs to seriously answer (because this isn’t going to vanish after a feeble apology) the reaction of some of those friends of the accused and guilty are frankly, fucking evil. Let’s start with the reaction of Louise Mensch…

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I know the reaction of any decent person when finding out someone is guilty of massive corruption is to say how much they admire them and want to work with them. I look forward to Mensch praising Gary Glitter and wishing she’d been a groupie in the 1970’s rather than the 1990’s.

But there’s more. Not content with admiring someone found guilty of several charges, she’s having a go at Hacked Off.

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After all Hacked Off only want an actual free press that’s accountable to the public rather than a press who can lie about people at the whim of it’s powerful and wealthy owners and the people they employ. Who needs actual democracy when you can suck up to Rupert Murdoch?

Then there’s professional arsehole Jeremy Clarkson.

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I’m glad he’s happy. After all, those victims of phone hacking don’t matter as much as Rebekah Brooks being found not guilty of the charges laid at her feet, including that of conspiring to conceal evidence. She may well be not guilty of those charges but what we now know of her thanks to the trial confirms that she’s a nasty bit of work because being found not guilty does not magically make a bullying arsehole any less of a bullying arsehole.

Finally, there’s Piers Morgan, the man everyone should hate.

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That’s ‘a good man’ Andy Coulson, now guilty of conspiring to hack phones while editor of The News of the World, and now the fifth employee of that paper and News International convicted of such crimes.

So what is missing from all of these comments? What don’t these people seem to care about in their attempts to slap convicted criminals and liars on the back for being great mates of theirs?

Here’s Milly Dowler. It was her case which sparked this.

It was Dowler’s voicemails that were deleted by News of the World ‘journalists’ which after an investigation by the Guardian, ended up with this trial, and now conviction, of at least two of those accused of hacking phones. Brooks may be innocent of this but it’s very, very clear a vile culture of breaking the law was rife at the News of the World and the reactions of Morgan, Mensch, Clarkson and Cameron ignore this as they choose to pat their friends on the back or apologise for giving them a ‘second chance’ they shouldn’t have had in the first place.

So remember the victims of the hacking here, many of which will never get justice or even be remembered as the likes of Morgan and Mensch trample over them to proclaim how wonderful a person convicted criminal Andy Coulson is.

When I Look at You, You’re Forgiven

There’s some people who manage to sail through life avoiding the raindrops of pain and horror but when you see them all you want to do is introduce them to the concept of hospital food fed to them via a drip. Most of these people tend to be M.P’s, employers, Piers Morgan.

Especially Piers Morgan. Look at his face!

Jesus, it was made for random acts of violence…

Some other people you just want to scream at. Loudly. You just want to shout at them until your teeth explode. These people tend to be workmates you like (as opposed to the ones you’d happily see turned into glue) but are an arsehole sometimes, or mates down the pub, or more commonly partners.

I’ve had several girlfriends who I utterly adored, and in some cases still do long after the fact. However one look at them and I’d forgive them for after all, I was probably an arsehole, or we didn’t actually speak properly to each other or some stupid breakdown of communication happened to be topped off probably by me doing something extraordinarily stupid. Even if they’d done something daft I couldn’t stay angry, as one look at them would remind me that I was a jammy bastard and that I should let it go as 99% of the time there wasn’t a problem.

The sort of screaming and shouting (not that I was one for screaming and shouting, much) people do at each other is not what relationships are about, neither is wanting to commit violence upon each other. Committing violence upon people should be reserved for Piers Morgan, I mean, have to seen his bis puffy smug face? Just look up at tit? Won’t you feel better feeling your fist bounce off it?

Perhaps Piers could rent his face out for people to relieve stress by pummeling the hell out of it?

Anyhow, all this rambling is to slowly introduce a few more blogs further down the line where I want to speak about people who’ve been important in my life which will include ex-girlfriends among other people.  The first such blog though will be important to anyone from Glasgow and familiar with AKA Books and Comics. It’s going to take a wee while longer to come out as it’s proving to be more painful to write than I expected, and I expected it to hurt like hell, but it’ll get there.

Til then just imagine smacking Piers Morgan in the big doughy face!