And the new Doctor Who is…

Well, the men’s Wimbledon final is over and the new Doctor to replace Peter Capaldi is not Roger Federer, the new men’s champion, but is instead Jodie Whittaker, the first female Doctor and right now across the planet there are people’s heads doing this…

So well done to her and at this point I predict two things. There will be right wing leaning people who will cry and whine that this is ‘political correctness’. That basically, the Doctor having a vagina is unrealistic and is a sign of the decline of civilisation.

The second is that someone, somewhere on the left will have a blog/Tweet by the end of today saying ‘why wasn’t the new Doctor black?’ and decrying white privilege. If I gambled I’d bet big money on that by midnight, or in fact, the next ten minutes…

There’s a little bit of Andy Murray in all of us now……..

In case anyone has been in a coma, Andy Murray was the first British winner of the men’s singles at Wimbledon for 77 years yesterday which makes all all Andy Murray now, especially politicians who in the sort of landgrab that would make American settlers seem like reasonable people have grabbed Andy by his big Scottish ears and forced him down firmly to swallow the shaft of Britishness, and even more excitingly , Englishness.

See, it’s not enough for people to be genuinely happy about someone who’s grafted hard to become top of his game and does genuinely quite impressive things without grabbing him as a token of how spiffing, wonderful and fantastic Britain is. We can’t just celebrate his victory with a Cameron, Salmond or Millband dragging their arse all the way down Andy Murray leaving a skidmark of Britishness/Scottishness down his tennis whites as they try to use him as their puppet to show how great Britain is, or how Scotland can survive without Darth Cameron’s vice-like grip round round the collective Scottish testicles.

Then there’s poor Ed Milliband left in the background like the lad at the party who sees everyone getting off with all the girls, but all he’s got to himself is a half drunk bottle of Taboo and a copy of Razzle that’s got all the best pages stuck together.

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Really, though, the politicisation of any successful British sporting feat, even one done by a Scot who many English were being enormously bigoted towards a year ago is frankly so bloody tedious now that as soon as Murray won you could have written Cameron’s speeches blindfold. Though the tubthumping cliches tends to fall out of Cameron’s mouth like shitty bits of poo after eating a vegan curry at Glastonbury.

What I’m basically saying is yes, let’s celebrate as a people but for fucks sake let Murray enjoy it for himself without having a politician leech onto him and suck the joy out of the victory. Let’s just have fun without Cameron using this to proclaim that everything’s fine and dandy even though millions are still unemployed, and the country is being wrecked.

Give us one pure moment of joy without it being spoiled by these people. It’s not hard to ask is it?